Clinginess in Romantic Relationships

The Psychology of Needy Women

This lovely article from AskMen.com informs men on how to deal with needy women. In case anyone is having trouble finding media examples of sexism, you’ll be happy to know that AskMen.com is jam-packed with misogynistic articles. This article outlines different attachment styles of women, including neediness.

I looked at the study “Gender, Love Schemas, and Reactions to Romantic Break-ups” (Choo, Levine, & Hatfield 1996) to further explore the “clingy” stereotype and how it affects romantic relationships.The purpose of this study was to see if there were any differences in the way people with different love schemas react to and cope with break-ups. A love schema is a cognitive model for what is appropriate to expect from yourself and from your partner in a love relationship. There are four types of love schemas:

(1) secure: people who are comfortable with both closeness and independence

(2) clingy: people who are comfortable with closeness but fear too much independence

(3) skittish: people who are fearful of too much closeness but are comfortable with indepence, and

(4) fickle: people who are uncomfortable with either closeness or independence

The participants in this study were recruited from the University of Hawaii. There were 77 men and 173 women, with a mean age of 23.14. The population was ethnically diverse.In order to qualify for the study you had to have been passionately in love, dated, and then broken up with someone. The participants filled out surveys to assess their love schema, their emotional reactions to the break-up, and their coping strategies to deal with the break-up.

The results of this study found some significant differences in these variables. Secure women were more likely than secure men to feel relieved right after the break-up. Clingy men were more likely than clingy women to feel guilty. Fickle men felt better after a relationship than most women. Secure men were more likely to distract themselves with work or sports to cope with the break-up. Men felt less joy or relief after the break-up. Women were more likely to blame their partners for the break-up then men. People who fell into the clingy love schema had lower levels of feeling good after the break-up and higher levels of anxiety, anger, and sadness. The people in the clingy love schema were also more likely to blame themselves.

The authors were clear that, although some gender differences were found, they could have been due to chance, and there were also many similarities between men and women.Overall, this study does show some gender differences in dealing with a break-up.

The AskMen.com article actually did have somewhat scientific information about attachment styles. However, the article is still very sexist. The article concludes by saying “The good news is that you now have the psychological tools to start dealing with her effectively.” This article is not aimed at therapists or psychiatrists; men should not be treating women’s supposed psychological issues. This suggests that women really ARE more needy than men, and need men to read up on their issues and learn how to treat them.

References

Choo, P., Levine, T., & Hatfield, E. (1996). Gender, love schemas, and reactions to romantic break-ups. Journal of Social Behavior & Personality, 11(5), 143-160. Retrieved from EBSCOhost.

Stalking

This is a trailer for the hit film “Fatal Attraction.” In this movie, a married man has an affair with a woman who then starts to stalk him and his family obsessively, and eventually threatens their safety. There are many media portrayals of the jilted girlfriend who begins to obsessively stalk the man that dumped her, but how often do women really engage in these sorts of behaviors?

Purcell, Pathe, and Mullen (2009) looked at the gender differences in Austrailian juveniles who had a history of stalking. They defined stalking as something that occurs when one person repeatedly inflicts unwanted intrusions on another to such an extent that the recipient fears for his or her safety. They also outline 5 categories of stalkers based on motivation, which are:

- The rejected

- The intimacy seeker

- The incompetent suitor

- The resentful

- The predatory

The Purcell, Pathe, and Mullen (2009) study obtained their sample through an archival search of court records. The male and female juvenile stalkers were compared according to their demographics and stalking characteristics. They found that male stalkers were more likely to pursue ex-intimate partners in stalking, whereas females most commonly targeted estranged friends. The study also found that female stalkers were significantly more likely to engage in same-sex stalking than males. This is interesting because it suggests that, overall, most of the victims of stalking are female.

The study also looked at motivation for stalking. Males were found to be primarily motivated by rejection, while females were mostly motivated by an extention of bullying. Males were also more likely to be motivated by sexual predation, and females were most likely to be motivated by retaliation. Females were more likely to use harassing phone calls and rumor spreading as tactics, while males were more likely to loiter. The rate of threats and physical assault didn’t differ between males and females, although males were more likely to inflict property damage.

So, how accurate is the “fatal attraction” female stalker prototype? Not very accurate, according to this research. While 36% of the sample of stalkers were female, most of them didn’t stalk ex-lovers- the male stalkers did. It was the male stalkers who stalked because they had been rejected. Female stalkers often chose old friends as their targets. The stereotype of the psycho ex-girlfriend who wont leave you alone isn’t the norm for females, or even female stalkers.

Reference:

Purcell,R., Pathe, M., & Mullen P. (2009). Gender differences in stalking behaviour among juveniles. The Journal of Forensic Psychiatry & Psychology, 21, 555-568.